#like Ooh Maybe She's Plural okay then. figure out who else is there in the system and flesh them out u dummy

[eric-the-bmo]

one of my personal goals, ive decided, is to try and make a system oc (ocs, technically), just to see if i can do it well

[microcos-pod]

Micro-Cosmos S1E4: Looking Up Transcript

(The crew celebrates an afternoon of well-deserved downtime. Transcript begins below break.)

[sfx: forest ambiance, running footsteps]

FELIX BIIIIIIRD!

That... is nineteen! Almost... at... victory.

[sfx: running footsteps]

MILES That... was not... fair... you tripped me!

FELIX Did... not.

MILES Did too!

FELIX Did not!

MILES Totally did.

FELIX The point is mine, fair and square. You did not set eyes upon that bird, first, thus-

MILES Because you cheated!

FELIX What would you have me do, forfeit the point?

MILES Yes.

FELIX Well I'm not going to do that.

MILES I know. Ya lousy-

[sfx: a bird caws]

MILES BIRD!

FELIX Bird? Ah yes, Bird. Ah, damn. Bird.

MILES Haha, that's a nineteen-nineteen tie, next points the winner.

FELIX Yes. And that point belongs to me.

MILES Yeah, right. Tell you what, then. Let's have a wager. I'll even let you pick the terms.

FELIX Okay. The loser has to carry Athena's birthday present around in their bag for a week.

MILES Athena doesn't want to carry it?

FELIX No one wants to carry it, my friend.

MILES Fine! That's fine! It's not like I worked super hard on it or anything-

FELIX

Shh. I'm sensing... an avian presence.

[sfx: birdsong, running footsteps taking off]

FELIX ALLONS-Y!

[sfx: running footsteps taking off]

MILES WAIT UP!

FELIX Where... are... you...

[sfx: a whack]

[Felix yelps.]

MILES Ha! You-

[sfx: a similar whack]

MILES (CONT'D) AA! MY EYE!

***

[THEME MUSIC FADES IN]

ANNOUNCERFuturistic Trail Mix Productions presents Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

[THEME MUSIC FADES OUT]

***

[sfx: forest ambiance, running water, a click]

MILES Oww.

ATHENA This is-

MILES Owww.

ATHENA This is-

MILE OWWW!

ALEX Dude, just hold still. You took quite the fall out there.

ATHENA Athena Romero... recording. Hi. It's Day 28, and we're stationed at approximate position North 57 degrees West 105 degrees, still enroute to our equipment dropoff point and making good time at that. We've had to stop for a little, uh, first aid. Miles and Felix got hit in the face with a tree branch playing their new game. It's called Bird... I hate it.

FELIX Hey, Bird is- ow - Bird is fun!

ALEX Until the forest pokes your eye out along the way, Doc.

FELIX I'd call it an occupational hazard.

ATHENA Thankfully, Headquarters, no one actually lost an eye. By some miracle.

[C41′s BOOT-UP JINGLE PLAYS]

C41 Oh, the odds of them losing an eye aren't as high as you'd hope. I ran the calculations.

MILES Yeah? Let me check your math on that one.

C41 No.

ATHENA Anyways. We thought it'd be a good time to take a walking break. Maybe have some lunch.

[sfx: rummaging]

ALEX Aw, shoot. Looks like we're lacking in antibiotics to get this one on your knee cleaned up, Miles. Cal, any chance we're getting more of that with the shipment?

C41 I do have "additional first aid supplies" on the roster, Commander. So... probably!

ALEX I will take a "probably" for all that it's worth as far as HQ is concerned, kid. And hey, we're almost to the drop-off point. Speaking of which, Starshine, did you get the memo to them that we're ahead of schedule?

ATHENA Oh, uh, oh! Yeah, I did get the relay to them last night, and they came back with an acknowledgement. I think we're just going to have to wait it out though.

ALEX Aces. Cal, how much longer do we have on the walking?

C41 Eh, not much! About another...

[sfx: mechanical whirring]

C41 (CONT'D) Hour!

MILES An hour?

ALEX Hey, I like the sound of that.

FELIX Just think. All of that extra time to play Bird.

ATHENA And, sorry to ask, but, Bird is fun... because?

ALEX Because I think all this walking has made the doctor go a bit batty.

FELIX Perhaps. More like... bird-y. If you will.

[Miles groans.]

MILES You set him up for that one, you know- Ow!

ALEX Just a sanitising wipe. I know, I know, it stings. It's the best we're gonna do to keep it clean for now.

[C41 giggles.]

MILES What are you laughing at?

C41 Aw, nothing. Just like... you guys are so funny, with your 'physical pain' thing.

MILES Hilarious.

C41 Precisely my point.

MILES Well, somebody's chipper today.

C41 I am! It's almost time for me to get to like, actual work. As soon as we can set up camp at the rendezvous to make it our base? Watch me go, baby.

ALEX Wait a minute. You, Cal, are excited about doing work?

C41 Sure I am! I'm excited for work that's not super boring and lame and leaves me wanting to tie up my code in particularly pretty bows. Establishing our infrastructure, our inventory, our food sources, and oh, ooh! Getting started on actual research? They sour.I hope I just don't lose out on sleep.

MILES Yeah, sure. We wouldn't want that.

C41 And, and, Miles, while I'm busy doing important things, you can be off doing... whatever little tasks you're supposed to do.

MILES First of all, excuse you, I'm the engineering specialist too, not your friggin nanny, so like, I'm going to have plenty to do that is very important. And second of all, maybe I'll get to sleep instead of clacking away at fixing your code all night like a monkey at a typewriter, alright?

C41 Sure, sure. Now, are everyone's booboos in order? I'm sure Athena and Alex are getting antsy.

ATHENA Oh guys, no, it's fine. Take your time, we're not in a rush.

MILES No, you know what, my booboos- I mean my uh, my scrapes and stuff, are fantastic. Let's go.

FELIX But... I'm so weak.

MILES Nope. Up ya go.

C41 Something to prove, much?

ALEX You'll be fine Felix. Have some trail mix, and we'll be motoring, alright?

FELIX (chewing) Way ahead of you, sir.

ATHENA Alright. Off we go.

[sfx: a click]

***

[sfx: forest ambiance, a click]

ATHENA Recording from the drop-off point, at long last, this is Officer Athena Romero with Omnitarian Establishment Crew #0137-F. It's only been just over an hour since my last log, but we're here. We're here, and now we just have to camp out, and wait for the rest of our supplies. It'll be some downtime well-earned, I think.

ALEX I'd say so.

[sfx: walking footsteps, stopping, setting a bag down]

ATHENA Oh, hey Alex! Let me guess, the others are-

ALEX Competitive birdwatching? Yeah. I don't even think that they realise that that's what they've invented.

ATHENA Aw, jeez, even Cal? Or did you put them on babysitting duty?

ALEX Cal is... keeping score, apparently. Look, you didn't hear it from me, but sometimes I think that they miss Miles when I'm carrying their projector.

ATHENA Really?

ALEX Nah. They're babysitting.

[Athena laughs.]

ATHENA Well played, Commander.

ALEX Peace and quiet is probably one of the best sounds in the world. Second only to good conversation and blaring rock 'n' roll.

ATHENA Sounds like something I should write down.

[Alex laughs.]

ALEX Dude, no, I'm just rambling. And besides, you're recording this, aren't you?

ATHENA Yeah. I mean, I can turn it off, if you want.

ALEX It's fine with me. Kinda nice actually, to think we'll be able to look back on whatever it is we talked about on this mission when we're all old.

ATHENA I never thought about it like that. Guess I thought I was just doing my job.

ALEX Really?

ATHENA ... Yeah, why?

ALEX I don't know, I hear you every once in a while, when you're recording, and... you know how to talk. You a poet in your spare time, by chance?

[Athena laughs.]

ATHENA No, no, I'm... I don't know, I'm not anything in particular. I was corp security, for a while, and then I got into communications and chronicling protocol through that, and... yeah, that's me, if they didn't already tell you as part of the whole 'Commander' thing.beatI'm certainly not, uh, 'recogalex', though.

ALEX Okay, so you uh... know about that whole thing?

ATHENA 'Whole thing'? You mean when you were like... one of the biggest names in sporting sim gaming for years, plural? Yeah, I figured it out. Me and the others in the forces, we didn't really have anything else to keep up with, so we got very much into keeping up with those tournaments.

ALEX Alright, alright. Just thought I'd be able to keep my nerdiness a secret from my crew for a little while longer.

ATHENA Why bother? I mean, if I was as good as you at that stuff, I...realizing as she says itI never would've stopped.

ALEX I guess I just... the same as you. I thought of it as my job, after a while. It started as a way to help me cope with my anxiety, and then, I guess it turned out that I was good at it, and liked it. I liked it a lot.

But I got married, and then we were gonna have a kid, and-

ATHENA Wait, you're married?

ALEX I was. Me and Gabriel split up, a little while after our son, Orion, was born.

ATHENA Oh... that's too bad.

ALEX Oh, it's fine, really. Gabe's amazing, honestly, we both just... wanted different things out of life. It just wasn't working for us to be married anymore. Now we're friends. We're friends that used to be married, and friends that have a son that we love more than anything in the world. And I can't say I mind it, as long as I know they're both waiting for me back home.

ATHENA Wow. I mean, that sounds... that sounds like all you could hope for.

ALEX Yeah... yeah, I guess it is.

***

[sfx: forest ambiance]

MILES This is stupid. We haven't seen anything fly overhead since we got here.

FELIX Hey, hello, uh, you know the decree of the Game of Bird.

[C41′s BOOT UP JINGLE PLAYS]

C41 "They who question the sanctity of Bird will be disqualified from all future matches of Bird on the basis of disloyalty and heathendom," Miles.

FELIX And don't you forget it.

MILES I know, I know, for the millionth time, I know.

C41 Then don't go getting yourself disqualified.

MILES Hold on, was that... an encouragement?

C41 Of course not. I just like to see a good match-

MILES Okay, cause for a second there, it sorta sounded like a-

[sfx: bird caws]

FELIX BIRD! 

[sfx: a bell dinging cue]

C41 That's one point to the distinguished Couvillion gentleman.

MILES Please tell me you're not going to do that every time someone gets a point.

C41 Don't be silly! I'm not going to do it for you!

MILES Why do I even bother? It's not like-

C41 Shh. Eyes on the prize, er, sky. Whatever. Bird now, talk later.

MILES Fine.There's a long silence. 

[sfx: forest ambiance for a prolonged period]

[The three of them sigh at varying points.]

[sfx: bird song, a glitch, static]

FELIX Bir- rd?

MILES What are you talking about, there's nothing there!

C41 I mean, I'll still give you the point.

FELIX Sorry, sorry, I... eyes were playing a trick on me there.

[sfx: prolonged forest ambiance]

MILES Sooo... uh, this is getting boring fast.

C41 "They who question the sanctity of Bird-"

MILES Not what I meant! I just meant...

FELIX There does seem to be a disturbing lack of birds.

MILES Well... uh... we could play 'I Spy'.

FELIX No, no. We can't allow the shine to wear off that quickly.

[sfx: retrieving from a bag, clicks]

MILES I feel like binoculars are cheating.

FELIX Eh. Using available resources.

C41 Does it count as cheating if there aren't any birds to see?

MILES Okay, but if there were.

C41 But there aren't.

MILES Okay, but if one shows, he can like-

FELIX And it may not end up being worth the hypothetical, if our luck continues.

MILES Just making conversation.

[sfx: prolonged ambiance]

MILES So... how about this weather?

C41 Really?

MILES What? It's called small talk, ever heard of it?

C41 Sure I have. My sources tell me that it's nothing remarkable. In fact, that seems to be the whole point of it, yes?

MILES Well, I guess... not everything needs to seem 'remarkable' to be... worthwhile.

C41 Sure. Take yourself for example.

MILES You know what-

FELIX You know, I believe that might be a backhanded compliment, Officer Abbott.

C41 How dare you.

FELIX Meant nothing by it, my voltaic friend.

C41 Then you know what's good for you.

[Felix chuckles.]

MILES Yeah, right, tough guy.

C41 I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I can be intimidating, that is, when I'm not asleep in my-

FELIX Nest!

C41 What?

FELIX Nest. Up there, on your left, riiiight- There.The group's eyes land on a large nest in a nearby tree.

MILES You think there's any in there?

FELIX According to what I've learned, the season would be right for quite a few baby birds.

So, I mean, if there were... to be... lots of baby birds... I should probably get a closer look. For... research.

MILES And I could help with your research. I mean... I could help you count.

FELIX Oh, no, I mean that's uh...

It'll be quite the climb to get there, so I wouldn't ask you to-

MILES Pssh. What are friends for? You said earlier you weren't feeling so good, anyways, so like... I can go check on those birds. For science.

FELIX Oh, no, I feel fine, thank you. I think a climb might actually do me some-

MILES Here, you hold Cally. I'm climbing.

FELIX Good.

C41 Wait, what? Also, it's Cal.

MILES I'm gonna go see those birds.

[sfx: footsteps running off]

FELIX HEY! NOT FAIR.

You stay right here, Cal. I've got a tree to climb.

[sfx: footsteps running off]

C41 Well, it's not like I'm going anywhere- Wait, wait! Doctor Couvillion? Officer Abbott?! Felix? Miles? Oh, the Commander is going to be so mad at you!beat, meek...Guys?

[C41′s BOOT-DOWN JINGLE PLAYS]

***

[Alex and Athena laugh.]

ALEX No, no, you're kidding me. Stuck?

ATHENA Completely! Okay, okay, so you have to understand, Patroclus C? It's a freezing cold rock. A moon.

ALEX Nothing homey about it?

ATHENA No! No redeeming qualities! We used to call it the Snowball. So, so, so: there I am, and my sister is just screaming bloody murder with her tongue stuck to the side of the transport.

ALEX And did someone lose a tongue that day?

ATHENA Somehow, no! I had to run back to the house for hot water and leave her there, and I swear her tears were frozen to her cheeks by the time I got back and we managed to get her off the thing! God, it was awful. So the chilly mornings around here? They're nice.

ALEX And you've got the charming anecdotes to prove it, starshine.

Oh, is... is that okay? If I call you that? It's just... it came to me, and I thought it suited you. But if you don't like it-

ATHENA Oh! Oh, no, I... it's fine. I like it. It's sweet.

ALEX Okay. Okay, good.

I just figured, you know, it might... we're gonna be out here for a long time. I want to be friends with you guys, with... you. If that's what you... all want too.

ATHENA I think I'd like that, Alex. 

Can I ask you something?

ALEX Sure, if I can ask you something after.

ATHENA Oh?

ALEX Yeah, no, I had like... a question or whatever for you too, but you totally, uh, you go first.

ATHENA Okay. Sure. So, uh... here's the thing. How do you... how do you know how to find the course?

ALEX ... What?

ATHENA How do you know where we're going?

ALEX I thought you were military. They don't teach you the way-

ATHENA Not exactly. How do you know where we need to go?

ALEX Oh. Oh I... okay. I think I get it. Well, I... it started off as trial and error, right? Even when I was just picking up the patterns in my games, or anywhere else, I just would have to take what I saw and turn that inward into something I could say was the truth.

So when I had to start figuring out how pieces of the world and their patterns sorta... fit with other pieces of the world into a bigger conversation, it... I mean it wasn't easy. I don't even wanna say it was comfortable. But it was something I could be confident in, at least.

And, these days, if I don't feel confident in it... I mean, I don't feel confident in it all the time, that's actually what I should've led with. Because, like, how could I be? When things, patterns, don't add up sometimes, it feels like something is lying to me. But at least I've been doing this long enough, that I know that I don't have to trek back and learn the patterns from square one anymore. I can... take it in backwards steps.

I can seem like I'm confident in what needs to happen, and then maybe some part of me can take that little signal boost and make me feel confident. And then, if I feel confident, maybe I'll find the pattern I didn't know in the first place, and that'll feel enough like the truth to me. It'll be enough to get us by. To get me by.

But... that's just me. Sometimes I think everyone has a different way of listening for the truth, you know?

Is... is that what you were asking?

ATHENA Uh-huh. Your turn.

ALEX Okay, now, tell me the truth on this one, Romero: do you actually need to record all of those logs?

ATHENA I'm sorry?

ALEX Dude, do you have to actually do them, or is it just like your diary?

[Athena laughs.]

ATHENA Hey! What's that supposed to mean?

ALEX I mean, no judging-

ATHENA I'm the chronicler, sir, that's my job.

ALEX Alright, Officer, alright. I'll take your word for it. But if you ever wanna try out some new monologue material on something, or someone who isn't a comms, you know where to find me-

ATHENA Yeah, yeah, I'll keep that in-

[sfx: a tree branch breaking]

[Miles and Felix scream]

[sfx: a thud]

ATHENA (CONT'D) Mind. Should we be... running about this?

ALEX Running fast, Romero.

***

[sfx: forest ambiance, a campfire]

FELIX, MILES (in unison) Owwwwwww.

ALEX You two... are going... to be.. the death of me.

FELIX, MILES (in unison) Owwwwwwwwwwwww.

C41 Yeah, yeah 'ow'. Traitors.

ALEXHold still... for just a second.

FELIX Once more, with feeling?

MILES Sure. Why not?

FELIX, MILES (in unison) Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

ATHENA Officer Athena Romero recording. Still Day 28. Second first aid stop of the day. We had a tree incident. Or a gravity incident, involving a tree, I guess.

C41 You two are lucky you didn't break a leg. Or that I didn't get carried off by some dinosaur, leaving me there like that, Felix! How could you?

FELIX I... I... I'm sorry, I'm so weak-

ALEX Ah, save it, Couvillion. Not like you need your strength for much else. Speaking of which-

I'd like to propose a toast. To some time off, to finally making it to the rendezvous point where we await our booty, and to... I don't know, to no more falling out of trees, and no more backwards steps.

FELIX Here, here!

ATHENA Cheers!

MILES Cheers.

C41 Bon appetit.

ATHENA So, Cal, when can we expect for the shipment to get here?

C41 Oh, in about... three-

(distorted and ragged)

Four- three, three,- expect, no, three, seven, no, no, no expect, no, three, two, two- ERROR, retrieval denied, ERROR- ERROR, no, two three-

ATHENA Miles? Are they okay?

MILES Cally? Cal? What's wrong? Come on buddy, hello?

FELIX What is this?

MILES I don't know, they've never done this before, I-

[C41′s BOOT UP JINGLE PLAYS]

C41 Bon appetit! Sorry, you were saying? Oh, right, the shipment. Should be around three days.

MILES ... Cal? You... you okay? You weren't messing with your code again, were you?

C41 And if I was?

MILES Cal-

C41 Kidding, kidding. Joke, funny, haha. No, I wasn't, I swear. Probably just a brief malfunction, whatever it is you're talking about. I feel great!

MILES Okay. If... if you say so.

C41 But I am, like, suuuper tired, gee, I think I need some rest, okayeveryonegoodnightbutnotthetraitorswhoabandonedme! Kisses!

[C41′s BOOT DOWN JINGLE PLAYS]

ALEX I think that's the cue for everyone got some rest, huh? Sleep in tomorrow?

FELIX Oh, I'll drink to that.

ALEX Then let's go for lights out, booboo crew.

[sfx: retreating footsteps]

ALEX If you need to do a log, starshine, just make sure to put the fire out when you're finished, alright?

ATHENA Always do, Alex.

ALEX Yeah, you're right. You always do. Goodnight.

ATHENA

Goodnight.

[sfx: retreating footsteps]

ATHENA (CONT'D) You know, I... I don't even know if I have something I need to talk about tonight. I'm exhausted from the journey, and you already know all about that, HQ.

I don't know. Seems like trouble follows us wherever we go, but at least that's something to count on.

But like I said, I think I'm going to try something new tonight. I'm feeling inspired. Tonight, I'm just going to look up at the sky, and I think... I think I'm going to look for a pattern that feels true.

From Ophiuchus-22, this is Officer Romero, looking up, and signing off.

[sfx: bird song, a glitch]

***

ANNOUNCER Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

This episode, Looking Up, was written by Lauren Tucker, edited by Luka Miller, and directed by Jesse Smith, Zyrel Thompson and Lauren Tucker. It starred Jesse Smith as the voice of Athena Romero, Jackson Rossman as the voice of Miles Abbott, Luka Miller as the voice of Alex de la Cruz, Kaleb Piper as the voice of Felix Couvillion, and Pippa van Beek-Paterson as the voice of Cal. Original music by Julia Barnes, and sound editing by Tobias Friedman. Be sure to stay tuned to our feed for upcoming episodes from the new backpacking intergalactic adventure from Futuristic Trail Mix Productions. Enjoying the show, and want to give us a boost? You can support us by rating and reviewing us on iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts, or telling a friend about us.

To follow the show and find transcripts, you can find us on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram as @MicroCosPod. Questions, comments, and concerns can be emailed to us via futuretrailmixpros@gmail.com. Thank you for listening.

[sayitaintdoe]

"you've got shampoo on your nose."

whatever thoughts i was caught up in are swept away by the feeling of preston's index finger making a swift sweep down the bridge of my nose, giving me a swift boop at the tip before working the small bit into his own hair and rinsing it out under the spray of water a moment later.  "what's on your noodle?"

"currently, the fact that you just used the word noodle.  now, the noodle dance from the vastly underrated playhouse disney show, pb&j otter.  pb&j sandwiches, the fact that brady barton would literally die if he ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the fact that i'd totally risk it for the sweet, sweet taste of a childhood lunchbox fave - besides, i blew out twenty-six candles this year, it is all downhill from here.  ooh, new found glory, obscure mid-2000s pop punk bands..."

my thoughts trail off there, caught on the look on preston's face.  he never ceases to somehow be bewildered, annoyed, and amused at the exact same time.

"okay, so what were you thinking about, like, before all that?"

less exciting.  "weddings."

his face contorts into a less than thrilled expression, a screwy mouth and furrowed eyebrows.  i could kiss his whole face, but he sticks his head under the water, somehow managing to keep the conversation going all the while.  "like, plural?"

sighing, i bump him aside with my hip so i can rinse my hair.  his fingers find their way to my scalp as i speak.  "just the one.  the bear's, you know."

the bear is teddy graham (hand to god, actual name), best friend second only to preston raimi, and she's currently two months out from the wedding she's been highkey planning since we were in the third grade.  which is impressive in and of itself, really, since she didn't meet the groom-to-be until our freshman year at princeton ("where the princes go!" she had declared with a cheery laugh, sweeping us both in a hug when we got our acceptance letters senior year - so her favorite movie was a cinderella story, whose wasn't?) when he was the junior t.a. in the psych class that i did nothing more than sleep through.  frankly, the groom-to-be was more of a colorform than anything else.  just stick him into the already formed picture and they were all set.

they were also nauseatingly cute and in love and he wasn’t some horrible cheating swamp thing like her old boyfriend and i was also the maid of honor and it was also.  just.  a lot.

before you're worried, i was only the maid of honor by title alone.  our friend cait, who actually had a head on her shoulders and knew how to buy a day planner and use it for more than the first three days, was in charge of making sure everything actually fell into place like it was supposed to.  thank god.

“is this, like, a fomo situation?”  he didn’t say it, but i could just hear the silent ‘please say no please say no’ that followed the question. 

i looked at him like he’d just popped the cap off the shampoo bottle and swallowed it whole.  “are you high?  all i hear from my mom’s friends is ‘mijaaaaaaa, when are you getting maaarrrrriiiieeeeeed?’ do you seriously think i want to give them the satisfaction?”

he’s holding his hands up in surrender, but i see the twitch of an amused smile quirking at his lips, and i know he’s thinking about just how damn lucky he is to be stuck with me.

second only to being asked when i’m going to get married (okay, third, because then it’s something about when i’m going to bring honor to my whole family with offspring — which is never, but thanks for asking!) is being asked about preston, as if they haven’t all known him since he was eight years old and trying to sit in on my dad’s poker games with his go fish deck, claiming he “knew a thing or two about cards.”

they wanted to know about our relationship, about how long we’d been together, (we weren’t) when we were getting married (we weren’t), when we were having kids (we weren’t), and why the answers to the last three questions weren’t what they’d expected to hear.

and that’s the thing.  preston is my best friend.  it’s something i’ll deny every time he asks me, even if he knows it’s true all the way down to the very core of his being (he doesn’t even care that he knows it, he still just likes to be smug about it).  and because preston is my best friend, it was also our great idea to be all of each other’s terrible firsts so that we could get them all out of the way.

and yes.  yes, i do mean every single terrible first.

i forced him to ask me on a date when we were thirteen and then feigned surprise when he actually went through with it.  we kissed under the big oak tree in his backyard when we were fourteen and he jammed his tongue so far into my mouth that i slammed my knee straight into his stomach.  after extensive googling at the age of fifteen, i decided i was definitely ready to suck a dick and tried and failed and gagged and tried again and the process torturously repeated itself.  at sixteen, he returned the favor (sans the dick) and dove under my sheets and i gave him a black eye because apparently i’m more ticklish than i anticipated.

and finally, at seventeen, the doozy.  the big kahuna.  as you can probably infer based on previous experiences, it was less than perfect.  the power knocked out halfway through from a storm outside, it was over in less than thirty seconds, i forgot my dog was in the room and he jumped up in bed with us.  it ended with laughing, with us high-fiving like losers as if we’d actually accomplished anything.  and then we tried again.

at eighteen, the night of our high school graduation, i made him get a tiny deer tattooed onto his hip bone.  a doe, so i’d be stuck with him forever.  no backsies.  his response was to make me get PRE$$ HERE in his own handwriting on mine in return, a tribute to when he used to only write his name as PRE$TON between grade six and nine.

so.  yeah.  in a lot of ways, or maybe in all the ways, preston was my person, and i was his.  which brought us into each other’s beds, and showers, and kitchen tables, and hallway floors, and couches, and… okay everywhere a lot, but it never brought us to anything that would scream DATING.

just friends who have keys to each other’s apartments and, when there’s nobody better to do, fuck.  easy peasy.

my thoughts remain stagnant for a moment as preston’s fingers work out the rest of my shampoo and i step back out so that i’m facing him and he’s grabbing for the conditioner bottle.  “okay, so what about the wedding, exactly?”

“sex.”

he blinks back at me.  “…as one does.”

“no, seriously.  think about it.”  i grab the conditioner bottle from him and squeeze some into the palm of my hand, lathering it between my fingers for a moment and working it into my hair.  “eventually, like, sometimes, when you get married — that’s it.  that’s the last person you’re ever going to have sex with.  Isn’t that sad?”  

he’s blinking at me like he’s wondering if maybe i’m not serious, but obviously i am, of course i am.  it’s SAD.

“do you think teddy knows that?” i prattle on.  “should i tell her?”

he actually laughs out this point.  “no, oh my god.”

“right,” i purse my lips, hand on my hip.  “she’ll have to figure it out eventually.”  i lean against the shower wall, shaking my head.  “i just can’t imagine being with one person for the rest of my life.  like just one person.  what if they suck at sex?  what if it’s not even good dick, and you married it?”

preston leans back to rinse out his hair, blinking back over at me as he straightens his stance.  “so, you’re saying that even if it was really good sex, it’s still not worth being the only sex?”

“no,” i say flatly, arms crossed and leaning back against the wall.  “i mean… no.  i don’t think so.  the idea of one person being the only person in my life forever is fucking horrifying enough as it is.”   i pause, blinking back at him and tucking a finger under his chin.  “‘cept you.”

preston actually blushes at that, but he covers it up quickly, responding by getting his hands at my hips, my back pressed to the wall.  i feel that same dumbass thrill i still always get, the same thrum in my veins, twist in my stomach.  “oh, that so?”

i grin, accomplished.  “well, i mean, yeah.  you’re the only person i really plan on being with me ’til i’m drooling into a cup and senile.”

“so that you can bully me and blaming it on old age.”

i kiss the tip of his nose.  “precisely.”

he’s kissing my neck, then.  slow and lazy and familiar.  i walk him toward the showerhead so that i can rinse my hair, getting him caught under the water in the process, and i keep him there, arms around his neck, fingers scratching at his scalp.

we stay there until the water runs cold.